


Partners In Crime

by penrosequartz



Series: Where Is The Red [2]
Category: Eddsworld
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, EddMatt, Emails, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, M/M, MattEdd, More tags to be added, TordTom, alchoholism, i thought of this randomly, no judgement, oops i got into this fandom, please be okay, tomtord - Freeform, twins AU sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penrosequartz/pseuds/penrosequartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts with letters, and ends in a mess that Tom did not expect.<br/>Twins, Red Leader, military violence. Ah, what fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear Tord

**Author's Note:**

> "You'll never take us alive, we swore that death will do us part, they'll call our crimes a work of art..."  
> -Partners In Crime by Set It Off

Dear Tord (you fucking commie bastard),  
I've spent a long time staring at the screen, wondering what to write, if anything. I guess I'll start by saying this: we never talk about you back home. I think there's a reason, but I'll talk about that later. Do you remember how we met, Tord? We were put together for a college project (this is where I got your email from, I'm hoping you still use the same one). God, I hated you back then. And after that, I went out of my way not to talk to you. Then, Tamara told me she'd signed us up for a 'twins-on-campus' group. That was the worst and most ridiculous idea I'd ever heard, but I went along, because Tamara was going. I'd never heard her so excited about something before.

I asked her why she was looking forward to it so much - she usually didn't give a shit about anything, especially stuff concerning other peers. She unwilling told me that one of her friends was going. I was shocked. She'd never mentioned anything about having friends on campus - I'd assumed they were all online. I guess she was keeping some secrets back then.

My twin and I were almost the same. But, when we entered the building that day, I looked around disinterestedly while she went bright red in the face. That's when I knew why she'd been so excited - her crush was here. It was the most awkward moment of my life.

Almost no one showed up that day, so they decided it was a bad idea to continue the group (who knows why they started it in the first place). Still, we managed to meet three other sets of twins - good-hearted Edd and Ell, self-centred Matt and Matilda, and you and Tori. I hated seeing you there, but you, Edd and Matt got along really well - I just had to put up with you. Eventually, we fought less. There was a time when I would have even called you 'friend'.  
And that was how life went, all through college. Tamara crushed on Matilda, Matt crushed on Edd, you and I fought, and we all poisoned our brains with alcohol (especially me). And then suddenly, Tori was dead.

I still remember the day so vividly. There was a knock on the door of the dorm Matt, Edd, you and I all shared. Tamara tumbled in, crying about 'crash' and 'drunk', and Ell just hugged Edd tightly, eyes blank. Matilda stood in the doorway, orange hair messed up and holding her purple ribbon, mascara stains on her cheeks. "She's dead," she said to you calmly, "We just heard." You looked so confused.  
After I'd calmed Tamara down a little, I got the full story. Tori had been driving while drunk, and she'd passed out, then crashed head on into a tree. The paramedics found her dead at the scene.

I don't know why I'm writing all this to you. You probably know it already. You've probably branded every detail into your brain. But I want you to know that you're not the only who will never forget her.

Anyways, you'll probably never read this. I wrote this just after a hangover, with a clear, sober head, and as soon as I send this I'm going to drink until I pass out. Maybe if I keep doing it, I'll forget about you, and Tori, and everything that has happened. But before I continue my cycle of self-punishment and alcoholism, I want to ask you something. I already kind of know the answer.

I'm the only one who knows, aren't I? Out of us three left at home, I'm the only one. That's why we never talk about you. That's why whenever they see a red hoodie they flinch, and whenever 'sunshine, lollipops and rainbows' comes on shuffle (we used to play it to annoy you, remember?) one of them surreptitiously skips it. I'm _still_ the only one who knows why you did it. Why you had to do it. And what was at stake, what could have happened if you didn't. I'm the only one who knows, you bastard, and it's killing me because I don't know if I'm supposed to tell them or not. You stupid commie bastard, fix this shit. Come back and fix it, you ass.

I don't know how this bottle got in my hand, but it'll be there when I wake up tomorrow. It'll be empty, but there. Unlike you. Come back, Tord. Just for one day. Please. Tell them why you had to leave, why you had to do all this shit. I'm slowly going insane.

-Tom


	2. Hello, Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and tord's response

Hello, old friend.

It took me a while to open your email, honestly. I didn't know what it was going to say. It also took me a while to get through it - reading things gets harder after you damage an eye.  
I'm glad to hear that Edd and Matt are doing well, how are Ell, Tamara and Matilda? How are you, Tom? Maybe you should tone the drinking down a little, buddy. If and when I do come back and see you all, I don't want you to be dead from alcohol poisoning. And I'm hoping you're not damaging yourself, especially not the same way as last time.

I'm in the hospital right now, and it's not especially comfortable. My entire right side is hurt pretty bad (it's a long story). So, sorry if there are any mistakes in this - I'm right up on the morphine.

I'm sorry, Tom. I don't think you should tell them. If you do, it'll just make everything worse for them, and it could put them in danger. If I could take back telling you, I would, but I can't.

I have to do another mission soon. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but don't worry, this one doesn't involve any of you. But it is a little dangerous. I'm so so sorry, but there's a chance that this is the first and last email you'll get from me. 

I'm glad that you remember Tori. You're right, I do have every detail branded into my memory. But you're also right that it's nice to know that someone else does too. You're always right, Tom.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain that I caused them. I wish you could tell them that, but you can't. It's too risky. And hey, you know what? Say hello to Ell, tell her she's great. Tell Matilda she's awesome. Thank Edd every once in a while, and smile at Matt. And most importantly, tell Tamara she's pretty (she is your twin, after all).

-Tord

PS: I just realised that sentence can be interpreted multiple ways - I meant that you're both very attractive.  
PPS: I realised that could be a weird thing to say to your twin.  
PPPS: That compliment backfired. I apologise. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha he's so awkward


	3. Leaving So Soon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tom again

Goddammit Tord.

Seriously, how do you make a serious situation so cringeworthy? Anyway, moving on. (wait im attractive? okay...?) I hope you read this before you leave. 

If you do die out there, promise me something. Tell me that they'll send your body home, and that I can tell the rest of them what you sacrificed for us. Please?

But, you know. The preferable option would be to NOT DIE.

-Tom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp


	4. I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tord says goodbye

I will.

Goodbye, Tom.

-Tord


	5. wwhatm inotta loudda smile nymore?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is the first chapter that's not a letter  
> hope you enjoy, my friends
> 
> ALSO: TW DEPRESSION / ALCOHOLISM / IMPLIED/REFERENCED SELF-HARM  
> PLS BE SAFE

Tom woke up at eleven to Edd knocking at his door. "Jesus christ, Tom! Don't lock this door at night okay? I can't get in in the mornings if you do!" "whydya needa geddin anywa" Tom replied, voice slurring and head pounding. "Oh thank god! Because I needed to see if you were dead or just passed out, you stupid fuck! Now open the door!"   Tom pulled himself along the floor until he could reach up to the door handle, and flicked the lock across. "sopen now"  

The door slowly creaked open and Edd's face peered in. "Are you alright, Tom?" He asked softly. "yeh mfine whywouldn ibe" "Because you've been in your room for like, eighteen hours straight? Come on, let's get you up." Edd reached down and helped Tom slowly to his feet. 

"You're gonna kill yourself doing this one day, you know," Edd raised his eyebrow. "shaddup" replied Tom, and Edd sighed. "Matt?" He called out, and Tom winced. "Sorry Tom, sorry," Edd whispered as Matt stuck his head out from behind a corner. "Mornin, Tom! You'll be wanting some water, I imagine? Well, drink up!" Matt slid a cup of water in front of Tom as he sat at the table, and he downed the whole thing right away.  "more wadder pls" Tom gave Matt a smile, who looked at him, shocked. "Did- did you just- Edd!" Matt was looking from Edd to Tom. "wwhatm inotta loudda smile nymore?" Tom complained, and they all laughed.   Later that afternoon, after Tom had sobered up, Edd came and perched gingerly on the edge of the couch (where Tom sat watching TV). 

"Listen Tom, I think you really need to ease up on the drinking, man. You could really hurt yourself." "Yeah, lots of people are telling me that lately," Tom replied with a smirk, "But yeah, okay. I'll try and drink a little less."  Edd smiled at him before standing up once more. However, before Edd could leave the room, Tom blurted out a 'hang on'. "Yeah?" Asked Edd. "Nothin. Just... Thanks," Tom said. Edd's face was only surprised for a fraction of a second, before a large smile dominated his face. "No problem, Tom! I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Unless you want Matt and I to stay the night?" "Nah, I'll be right. See you tomorrow."  "See you later, Tom!" Called Matt. "Bye, man," replied Tom.

  They had a whole routine worked out - in the mornings, Matt and Edd would go round to Tom's place. Then, after breakfast, they'd plan their day together. Sometimes, they did separate things (like, you know. Work. Because money was a thing), but mostly they just hung out. But this evening, Matt and Edd were gone, and it was just Tom and his thoughts.  Tom didn't like this. Not at all.

When Tom was alone, he either drank until he passed out, or he sat in the bathroom and... well, ever since Tord had returned and then left again, his depression hadn’t been very... stable. Tom really didn’t like the look of his bathroom right now, so as soon as he heard Matt and Edd re-enter their apartments he grabbed his keys and quietly left his apartment.  
“Tom? I thought you were staying in for the night...?” Matt’s voice floated down the hallway. Tom flinched. Matt had never understood his depression, not like Edd did, anyway. Tom turned around to meet Matt’s bluey-green eyes with his black eye sockets, something tugging inside him when he saw Matt's confused expression.  
   
"Tom... Do you want me to get Edd?" Matt asked slowly. "No, no... I'm fine. I'm just going to get- uh..." Tom paused. Matt laughed, "It's okay, Tom. You can say you're going to buy alcohol in front of me, I'm not a little kid." Tom was a little shocked - he never realised Matt could be so intelligent. "Oh. Uh, yeah. I'm going to- do that. See you later." "Bye, Tom... Don't drink too much, yeah?" Matt's eyes were bright, but there was also concern in them. Tom spun on his heel and walked out the door of their apartment block, leaving Matt standing there in the hall. "I'll check the post later..." Matt murmured as he wandered back inside.  
   
Both of them knew that Tom would come back a little later and then drink, and drink, and drink until he fell to the floor. And the next morning Edd would wake him up, sighing. Tom couldn't afford to think about the toll that his drinking was taking on his friends - it would just make things a lot harder. Maybe he should just move away, never be seen again. Matt and Edd could finally be happy, and he never spoke to Tamara anymore anyway. Yeah, that was a good plan. But not just yet, Tom thought as he approached the liquor store.  
   
As Tom was browsing through the whiskeys and various other strong alcoholic substances, he started thinking about Tord. It was a mistake.  
"how can he make me so angry and sad when he's not even herewhy isn't he hereI wish he was hereI want to tell Edd and Matt but I can'twhy aren't I drunk yet???"  
Tom purchased a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Smirnoff. He paid the shopkeeper with a glum look on his face. "Party?" Asked the girl at the counter with a smile. He met her eyes and shook his head. "Depression," he replied. "Oh. Sorry." She turned away to face the next customer, and Tom left the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay if you wanna say hi talk to me on  
> dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com 
> 
> stay safe


	6. Red Leader, Red Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont drink in a deserted park kids

It was beginning to get colder as the sun set. The orange was fading fast, being replaced with dark colours like purple, blue and black. Tom sat on the swing set, plastic bag filled with two bottles - one already empty, the other miraculously unopened. Tom was showing a lot of restraint today. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be completely smashed by the time it was dark.

Tom knew he shouldn't be drinking outside in a public park, especially when he had a tendency to pass out. Not saying he was a lightweight, it was just that Tom drank a _fuck ton_ of alcohol. His vision was already blurring a little as he slipped off the swing and onto his feet. As he swayed there, he noticed a figure approaching him. 

"Hey there..." Said the voice slowly, "You just downed a whole bottle of Smirnoff. You okay?" Tom replied with a simple, "bleh". Then, all of a sudden, the stranger pushed Tom over onto his side and sent him sprawling across the wood chip ground of the park. "Whadda fuck are you doin?!" Tom shouted angrily. The stranger nimbly slid their hand into Tom's pockets while Tom swung at them blindly, the stench of alcohol radiating off him. The woman, Tom could see it was a woman now, giggled at him as he writhed in the dirt, laughing and twirling his house keys on her slender finger.

"You know, there's a reason you shouldn't drink in public. Mostly because drunkards like you, Tom, have a tendency to be completely helpless in these situations." Oh hell no, he wasn't gonna let her take his keys, and his wallet, his phone, he had- wait... How did she know his name?

The woman leant down to look at Tom. "Have a nice night, sweetie. I'll be taking these, though-" she gestured to the wallet, phone and keys in her hand, "to teach you a lesson. Don't stay out too late!" She gave him a quick kiss on his forehead, and as she pulled away Tom finally saw the colours - eyes grey like the sky was turning, blonde spiky hair and a blood red shirt.

Then the woman kicked him, and he was out cold.

***

_eyes_

***

_i'm moving_

***

_warm_

***

Tom's eyelids fluttered open, and he glanced around an unfamiliar room. The bed he was lying on wasn't anything flash, but all around the walls were blueprints for extraordinary machines. There were prototypes on desks, sketches on walls and a wooden door. How did he get here again?

Then from outside he heard shouting. "Listen to me! I'll take him back, okay? I'll take him back to his house as soon as I figure out where the _fuck_ he lives!" "If he finds out-" "He's not going to tell anyone, okay?! _FUCKING HELL PAT STOP BREAKING SHIT!!!_ "

The door slammed open and Tom sat bolt upright. "No, Patryk, stop!" Came a shout.

The man (Patryk, apparently) looked at Tom in surprise before asking him a simple question: "Where the fuck do you live?" 

"Uh... Can I know where I am first?"

Patryk looked like he was about to shoot something when suddenly he laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed. "Ha! Hahaha oh my god, yeah this'll turn out _great_!!!!"

Another man came in and softly tugged on Patryk's hand. "Hey, listen," the man said in a soft voice, "Red Leader said he'd take him back. Everything will be fine, okay? Just calm down. You're panicking over nothing." Patryk let out a loud sigh, seemingly deflating, "Yeah, I know. Sorry, Paul. I just really don't want to screw this up..."

Paul lead Patryk out of the room, smiling apologetically at Tom. "I'll take you to Red Leader in a second, just sit tight while I deal with this one," he gestured to Patryk.

Tom sat in bed wondering what the actual fuck just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confused? cuz i am


	7. Lift Scene ft. TomTord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dorks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is actually kind of happy

"He's this way," explained Paul as he led Tom down the hallway. "This is where the shouting was coming from, right?" Tom asked and Paul winced. "Yeah..." Paul sighed, "Sorry about that. He can be loud, and so can Pat, so when they argue... And it's not like this place really does anything for the sound." Paul gestured to the blank, cold walls of the corridor. "Yeah, it does echo, doesn't it?" Stated Tom, trying desperately to make polite conversation, but Paul didn't reply, and things quickly became awkward.

"Uh... So..." Tom began again. Paul laughed, "It's okay, just a few more doors down." 

Tom was still incredibly confused. How had he got here again? What had happened? And why did his head hurt like fuck? Then Paul stopped in his tracks, Tom almost running into him. "Here we are," Paul explained in a joyful tone, "The infirmary. Don't worry, he's not sick! They're just making sure his eye and arm are alright." Paul opened the door just as a doctor in a red lab coat walked out. The medic looked at Tom over his spectacles, his critical gaze travelling down then flicking back up to Tom's head. "If you need someone to look at that wound," droned the doctor, "Red Leader will take you to me. Good luck."

The doctor walked off down the hall.

Tom gulped nervously, and Paul gave him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up.

***

Tord's entire right side... It was scarred, badly. He had a black eye-patch over his right eye (Tom dreaded to see what was underneath), and a red, cybernetic right arm. He was sitting on the white medical bed, staring right at Tom. 

"Uh... You're awake, then?" Said Tord, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. Tom stood frozen, words not coming out of his mouth. He'd waited so long to hear Tord's voice again... "I guess you're wondering what happened, huh?"

"Huh? What?" Tord's voice snapped Tom out of his thoughts. "I said," Tord repeated, "I guess you're wondering how you got here." Tom nodded slowly as to not piss his head off even more. "I, uh... I found you, I was looking for someone, it was kind of a longshot anyways, so, they didn't turn up, but... You did," Tord made eye contact with Tom, "I just found you lying in the park, you had a pretty nasty injury," Tord stood up to take a look at Tom's head, "But, on the bright side, it looks like it'll heal up just fine. Do you remember how you got there?" 

"No, I don't..." Tom said after a pause, "Actually, yeah, I remember drinking... And then..." Tom's eyes widened. "She took my phone!" He exclaimed, "And my wallet and keys! That bitch!" "She?" Asked Tord, eyebrow raised (meaning he literally only had one eyebrow, the other had been burned off). "Yeah, some chick, she had... ah, fuck. I don't remember what she looks like," sighed Tom.

"But you're sure it was a woman?" Asked Tord. "Yeah, I think so," replied Tom, "Anyways... How did all this happen?" Tom pointed to Tord's right side.

"Oh... Yeah, that," Tord flinched, "That's... From a mission I did!" Tord forced a smile at Tom, who looked unimpressed. "You're a fucking _terrible_ liar, Tord. I don't know how you convinced Edd and Matt. So...?" Tom asked, expectantly. 

Tord exhaled heavily, looking down at the floor. "I... Got it from the giant robot." Tom squinted his eyes, "What? I didn't catch that." Tord groaned, "Oh, for fuck's sake's, Tom. I got. It. From. The. Robot." 

Tom stared blankly at Tord. "You- you mean... You mean _I_ did this?" "No!" Tord exclaimed, "No, you didn't. It was my plan, this was all me, okay?" Tom glared at him, "You told me... You told me nothing would happen, Tord. B-but Jon died, a-and look at _you_ , Tord! You bastard, you said everything would be fine!"

Tord stood. "I'll take you home, if you like. And then I'll leave, and you can forget about me. How about that?" 

Tom scowled, "No, no no no! You fucker, I want you to come home and explain what the fuck happened to Matt and Edd!" Tom's voice became softer, "Please, Tord. Please." Tord's stony expression softened. "I'm sorry, Tom. But I can't, it'll just put them in danger..." Tom could feel himself becoming angry again, his pounding headache worsening by the second. "What?! You 'rescue' me, you take me back to... To whatever this place is, and then you're not even going to come home and explain? Matt and Edd are so broken, they think you betrayed them, they- Tord. You have to fix things, please," Tom's voice was almost pleading.

Tord hesitated, then shook his head. "No," he replied, "I'll take you home. But that's that. We can still talk, just... Matt and Edd, they can look after themselves. But I can't trust them like you, Tom, I don't want to put anyone else in danger. Now, you ready to show me where your house is?" Tom frowned, but eventually nodded. Tord gave a smile at that - Tom looked like a kitten throwing a fit. 

"Ladies first," Tord gestured, opening the door for Tom. In return, Tom stuck the finger up at him and poked out his tongue. "Damn, just trying to be polite," Tord smirked as he led Tom through the maze of corridors that made up the Red Army Base.

"So, you live...?" Tord asked, coming to a map stuck on a wall. "Uh... Shouldn't we go outside... First... Oh," Tom realised what he was looking at, " _Oh._ " Tord laughed, "Yes, oh. The base is underground, we can go anywhere you need to. So. Where's your house?" 

Tom grinned, unable to stop himself - maybe Tord really would succeed in conquering the world. "It's an apartment block, actually," Tom smiled, raising a hand, "And it's about... Here." Tord nodded, and walked a little down the hall to a metal door. He tapped a few numbers into the lock on the side, and it opened. He waved Tom in.

"You lazy ass, you've got a lift?" Tom said jokingly, and Tord raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I had it put in when I could hardly walk, so..." Tom went silent, but Tord laughed a little as the doors closed and the lift began to move. "It's fine, Tom. Uh... I wanted to ask you, a-about what I said that night..." Shit. Tom knew this was coming. 

"I totally get it, if, you know, you don't feel that way anymore, that's fine, I mean, you can't help it, right? And we haven't seen much of eachother and I just missed you so much and I don't know why I'm sayi-" Tom was silenced as a pair of lips softly made contact with his own. "Shh..." Tord smiled, kissing him again. Tom felt like someone had electrified him. He couldn't believe it, after everything that had happened, after Tord lost an arm, how, _how was this so good?_ Tord pulled away. "I was going to say that I still feel that way about you, but... Well, I was going to say what you said, pretty much. I- I just want you to know that. But... Oh god, okay. This is hard to explain. I-" 

The lift shuddered to a stop and opened its doors with a ding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	8. Stargazing On The Couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord is a little bit of a bad influence, but hey  
> TW alcohol and gayness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so dont judge me  
> Sorry i havent been writing much, ive had a lot to do, but hopefully everything will be cool soon and ill get to write some more and maybe even draw some crappy art how does that sound

"Uh... Want a drink, or something?" Tom asked awkwardly. "Vodka," Tord replied, not moving his eyes from the television. Tom was silent, his mouth a thin line. "You're not moving? What's up?" Tord finally met his eyes.

They'd managed to pick Tom's lock, and then Tord had sat in front of the tv, eyes expressionless. And now, here they were.

Tom continued to stare at him, looking displeased. Tord misread his expression: "You fucker, I know you have vodka around here somewhere." "It's not that, well actually I don't have any alcohol in the house, I was going to get some when..." Tom paused, "Wait, no. I have some in a wall... Somewhere... Anyways, I'm just worried about- uh... I dunno. I don't want to..." "Get smashed in front of me?" Tord laughed, "I already saw you passed out. With a bag. That had two bottles in it. And one was empty. It's fine, Tom-" "I don't want to- to do that, while you're here. B-because, you know, the whole... Thing, thing. You know." 

Tord looked at him blankly. "What?"

Tom heaved a heavy sigh. "Ugh. Fine, you know what? Who gives a shit. Lemme find a fucking bottle of something." Tord grinned, "There's the Tom I know!" Tom rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

Tom flopped onto the couch a few minutes later, a bottle of Smirnoff in his hand. "All I could find," he said simply. Tord shrugged and grabbed the bottle out of Tom's hands. "Hey!" Tom protested, "What, no glasses?" 

Tord frowned, "All fancy now are we?" "No, just..." Tord popped the cap off and took a hearty swig before offering the bottle to Tom. "You gross me out, Tord," Tom replied, taking the proffered bottle anyway. Tom took a large gulp, feeling the warmth settle inside his stomach. "So," Tord started, taking the bottle from Tom again. "Alcohol. What's wrong with it exactly?" "Nothing, I suppose," Tom replied, "I guess-" "Then," Tord said, "Let me get you drunk, Tom." 

Tom froze. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Tom said. Tord blinked, "I meant- like, I just- oh, fuck. Goddammit. Okay, so... I want to be friends with you. And I want to be in love with you, and I want to hang out all the time, but I don't want Matt and Edd to-" "I get it," Tom said calmly,"I get it. You don't want them to know about you, about this... So, let's get drunk. What the hell. The best ideas come when you're drunk, right?" Tom smiled, and Tord smiled back. And then Tord's smile changed into something with a glint of mischief in it. "Okay."

 

***

I didn't finish what I was saying, you know," said Tord. "Huh?" Replied Tom. Both of them were lying on the floor after Tom had suggested that they 'stargaze'. 

They were still inside, but both of them could see stars just fine.

"I was saying, that I- hic!- that I wanna be around you- hic!- all the time..." Tord was giggling. _Fucking giggling_. And so was Tom. The man known as Red Leader and an alcoholic Jehovah's Witness were acting like a couple of lightweight, lovestruck highschoolers. 

"And I wanna be drunk with you, and I wanna- hic!- go to movies, and make out and- hic!- and-" "Wait... You wanna- hic!- you wanna- hic!- goddammit, you wanna make out?" Tom asked. "Well, I mean- hic!- yeah..." Tord replied.

"Well let's-hic!- DO IT, MAN!" Cried out Tom drunkenly, "Let's have some real gay makeouts over here! Wooooooo-" Tom slammed his mouth into Tord's sloppily. Tord returned the kiss slightly better, firmly pressing his lips to Tom's. Then all of a sudden, Tord moved his body onto Tom's, half lying on top of him. Tom's back was flat against the floor, their lips dancing with eachother, and quickly there was a heat in the way they were kissing. Were he sober, Tom probably would have said "ay wait up", but as he was completely wasted the only thought running through his head was "fuck yes".

Tord broke away and said the one word that Tom had been wanting to hear out of his mouth for a while: "bedroom."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay  
> This chapter was rly badly written i apologise  
> Also, im not writing smut inside this fic, but there will probably be a separate deleted scenes fic where youll get all the good gay smut  
> :)  
> sorry guys, its just i dont have a dick so ill have to read lots of smut to figure out what you do with one


	9. wE wErE aBoUt To PhOnE tHe CoPs HoLy ShIt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's in trouble with Mama Edd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit boi

"Tom?! Tom, are you in here?! Goddammit, Matt. I don't know where he is- no! Of course not! Jesus christ, hang on, I'll call him again."

Tom's phone buzzed from across the room. _Ugh,_ Tom thought, _Why the fuck are they being so lou- oh. Oh shit._

He'd been gone, without a trace. Matt only saw him leave for the liquor store, fuck, _fuck_ he was so stupid. He'd been fooling around with Tord last night when he should have been telling Matt and Edd that he was _actually fucking alive_. Speaking of Tord, where has he fucked off to? Goddammit, he's left. What an asshole.

"UGHhH, Edd, m'here. I've got a bitch ofa headcake but mhere. Headcake. Headache." 

There was a pause in the endless stream of shouting from outside. 

"Tom. What. The _fuck_." Edd replied as Tom slowly opened the door. "Edd, I can explain everything, okay?" Tom began to speak, but Edd barged in. "Matt said he saw you leave. You said you we- holy shit, Tom, what happened to your head?!" Edd's tone changed lightning fast, from angry and factual to concerned and alarmed. 

"Oh. Right. Yeah, uhm... I got mugged?" Tom answered hesitantly, earning himself a weird look. Just as Edd was about to question him, the green-clad man's phone buzzed, making him stop and look down. _Self Centred Asshole Who I'm Hitting On_ , the contact read, and Tom grinned. He'd renamed all of Edd's contacts once, and Edd couldn't stop laughing long enough to change them all back.

"Hey, Matt. Yeah, I've found him. Apparently," Edd gave Tom a pointed look, "he can explain everything. Well obviously we don't need to do that now, he's right here. Okay, see you soon. Yeah, Tom's house. Yeah." He hung up the phone.

There was an awkward silence between the two as Edd looked at the wound on Tom's head. Tom walked away a little, glancing around the room. Where the fuck had Tord actually gone? He- Tom's gaze alighted on the open bathroom window, and he laughed out loud. Tord had _climbed out the window_. 

"What are you so happy about?" Asks Edd. "Sorry, man, I just, oh dude, this whole thing is hilarious..." Tom trailed off, realising what he was actually saying, and glancing up at Edd's flushed, angry face.

"Tom. This is not hilarious in _any way_. Matt was about to _call the police_. You were _missing_. What the _fuck_ is funny about this?"

Shit. He couldn't tell Edd. He couldn't tell him what happened. "It's just funny that I passed out for so long and no one found me! Or, maybe someone did, they just couldn't wake me up..." Edd's face softened as Tom mentally slapped himself. Playing the 'please feel sorry for me it's not my fault' card, are we, Tom? Smooth. Real smooth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom you're an ass


	10. you're a fucking stalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which tord is a fucking stalker and tom wonders about their future

Matt, Edd and Tom sat watching TV. Matt and Edd were smiling, laughing at the shitty jokes on whatever reality TV show they were engaged in. Tom, however, was lowering his self-esteem to new levels. He thought he may have broken a record.

He’d lied to them. He’d been an absolute asshole and now they thought everything was fine, but really it wasn’t because Tom _could_ keep a secret. Absolutely. A secret like ‘oops, i dropped a vase.’ Or even ‘oops i accidentally killed the cat don’t tell anyone please.’ But he didn’t know if he could keep a secret like _this._ How would he even explain?

“Oh, yeah, by the way, Tord’s still alive and he’s secretly running London from the sewers and also we made out and ...” exactly. This was not going to work. Speaking of making out... what was that? Tom exhaled as the woman on the screen caught her husband cheating on her.

He allowed himself a second to think about Tord. They’d made out. They’d gotten incredibly drunk. They’d played Truth or Dare at 1 am and they’d had so much _fun,_ Tom hadn’t had fun like that since college. And don’t even start on how there were marks on his neck, or how Tord had freckles everywhere (seriously, how did they even get there, wtf), or how nice it sounded when- nooooooope. Nope. Not gonna get a boner between Edd and Matt. Noooot gonna do it.

But what did it mean? Did it mean nothing to Tord at all? Or were they dating now? Tom didn’t know, and it didn’t help that he couldn’t remember half of it... fuuuuuck. Okay, he had to find a way to contact Tord, he had to... Tom looked at his two best friends in the world, tangled together on the couch, and smiled. Not today. He could worry about this some other time. So instead, Tom sat back and watched a shit reality TV show.

***

He’d- holy fuck- he’d _put his number in Tom’s phone._ With a note that said: ‘6969 Tom? Really? Wow. Maybe we can try it next time... ;)’ Of course he’d guessed his password. And yes, it was 6969 – what? It was funny.

**hey commie**

**ay jehovah**

******sorry i had to climb out your window** ** **

**********also, have you thought about what you’re going to do without your wallet and shit?** ** ** ** **

**************actually, yeah. And the answer is i have no fucking clue** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************well that’s great** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************get edd and matt out of your apartment ****we need to talk****** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************tom?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************...** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************are you WATCHING my apartment????** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************turn left and wave** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**********************************************lmao i see you** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************************************************youre a fucking stalker** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

******************************************************k i finally got them to leave** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************************i know** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

********************************************************i’m in your bathroom** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what i've been listening to
> 
> AY DOT HAM  
> AY DOT BURR
> 
> (kill me)


	11. gay™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very gay

“How the hell did you get in my bathroom?” Laughed Tom as he opened the door. “There’s a window,” Tord said, puppydog eyes wide and an innocent pout on his face. “Yeah, yeah. I really gotta change the locks,” replied Tom, only half serious. “Won’t stop me,” smirked Tord, “When Red Leader wants it, he gets it,” the glint in Tord’s eyes was kind of (?) sexy, but mostly terrifying.

“Jesus, you’re so creepy. What did you want to talk about?” Tom asked, walking casually out of the bathroom. By the time Tord followed him out, all the colour had drained from the red-clad man’s face.

“Holy- what’s wrong?” Tom asked worriedly, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” “A-aha. Ha. Yeah, um... I just wanted to tell you...” Tord looked like he was fumbling, “I- I wanted to talk about our relationship. Yeah. Us. What’s next and all...” Tord was looking down guiltily, and Tom could sense that there was something wrong.

“Tord,” Tom said in a warning tone, “What is it _really?_ ”

Tord gave a long sigh. “UGHHHHHHHHH.... fine. You know how I was waiting for someone in the park I found you passed out in?” Tom gave Tord a blank look in return. “I, uh...” Tom rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I hit my head pretty bad... plus, I was kinda zoning out... when was this?” Tord rolled his eyes, “Anyway. Yes. So the person I was waiting for... I think was the person who attacked you. It matches their description, I think. Although I kinda haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Wait, so... you knew who took my phone and wallet and everything... this whole time? And you didn’t tell me _why,_ exactly?”

“Because...” Tord looked around the room, eyes sliding as his teeth clenched, “It’s... complicated?”

“It’s complicated. Really? If this is some ex, or some girlfriend of yours I swear-“ Tom began. “No! No no no no no it’s not like that at all! Trust me. She’s an acquaintance, and I think I’ll be able to get your stuff back if I ask nicely? Maybe? As long as she never finds out about you... aw man, I dunno. I’ll figure it out. I just thought you should know,” Tord headed towards the bathroom (presumably to climb out the window again).

Tom grabbed Tord’s wrist and pulled him into a kiss. “Waiiiiiittttttttt........” Tom broke away, “Can’t you stay for a little bit longer?” He gave his most winning smile.

Tord looked apologetic, “They need me back at the base though.” “Screw that base of yours. Paul and Patryk can have plenty of fun on their own, I’m sure,” Tom lead him toward the bedroom. “Wow, I’m surprised you still remember their names. I thought you said you had a bad bump on the head?” Tord laughed. Tom smirked, “Nah, you were just super distracting. I mean, the robot arm was surprising but you’re also very good looking.”

***

Tom lay on the bed. “You realise it’s like, seven at night. And I haven’t drunk anything all day. What is this? What have you done to me?” “Made you sore, probably,” Tord laughed as Tom scoffed. “Nowhere _near_ as sore as _I’ve_ made _you,_ ” Tom snickered.

“Sure, sure,” smirked Tord, “Just remember you’re the smallest of us – in more ways than one.” Tord winked at him and Tom groaned. “Whatever, man. Don’t you have some base to get to?” Tom threw a pillow across the room and it hit Tord, who picked it up, blew a kiss across it and threw it back. “Ew!” Cried Tom as Tord laughed. “Okay, I’m leaving. I’ll talk to you later,” Tord smiled at Tom and left (via the bathroom as usual).

This left Tom alone.

_wow i just had sex for the second time in what? two days? goddamn that’s the longest i’ve consecutively had sex, like, ever. go me._

_i wonder if edd or matt heard us? wow that’s going to be veeeerrrrry awkward if they did._

_hmmm... sex is good. especially with tord. i wonder if i can tell tamara about this? probably not, we never talk anymore anyways. hhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,_

**hey**

**hey? i just left why are you texting me**

**i miss you?**

**ugh**

**nah just kidding**

**well okay i kiiinda miss your dick but that's beside the point**

**nope**

**nooooooooope**

**bye**

**nooooo wait i take it back**

**i just wanted to say that i like having you around again**

**wow i didn't know you were such a sap :P**

**wow. thanks**

**kidding**

**i like being around too**

**< 3**

**diD YOU JUST HEART ME?????**

**NOOOOOO**

**NO.**

**/NO/**

**fine then haha**


	12. what. the fuck. is going on.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay I'm going to try and upload two chapters in quick succession  
> shit will /go down/ in these chapters, okay?  
> and then when i feel like it i might wrap it up with a cute lil fluff chapter
> 
> ...  
> if you're lucky  
> btw anything in [] is me being a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be prepared

Tom woke up at seven in the morning. He'd gone to bed really early last night, and he hadn't drunk anything all yesterday. He felt amazing!!!LY DONE WITH LIFE AND HE WANTED A DRINK.

But it was 7am, so he got up, played Susan the Bass for a while, ate breakfast and made himself a coffee. As he was sitting at the table, there was a few knocks on the door. 

Now, when I say knocks, I mean there was noise. And by noise I mean scuffle. 

_Why the fuck are there people fighting outside my front door???_

Tom swung it open angrily, fully prepared to go off at whoever was interrupting his... his... life? He didn't really know what he was doing, so...

 

"Hey Tom!!!" Cried Edd, followed by a "Holy shit," from Matt.

"Uh... hey, guys...?" Tom replied hesitantly, "What's up?"

Edd straightened up [lol he can't be straight who am I kidding]. "We, um... we heard something. Yesterday." Edd's cheeks were slightly pink, "It sounded like someone was here... with you...?"

Matt laughed out loud, "Tom, I made a bet with Edd that you got laid last night so... what's the answer?" Tom turned to Edd, "You bet him that I didn't get laid? I'm offended!" He snickered.

"Well did you or didn't you?" Asked Edd with a curious look on his face. Now it was Tom's turn to be a little embarrassed. "Uh, y-yeah?"

 

Edd and Matt looked at eachother and literally squealed. "Holyshitholyshitholyshit!!!!!"

 

"Guys. Chill out. Guys? Oh my god, stop rolling on the floor. It's too early for this. Guys. Stop. Seriously. At least come inside for fucks sake. Jesus christ. Are you guys having orgasms? Oh my fucking god."

 

***

 

After coffees had been made for Edd and Matt, they began what Tom would only ever remember as: "The Interrogation." 

"So... what's his name?" Asked Matt. "Woah now. Who said it was a he?" Answered Tom. Both Matt and Edd raised their eyebrows. 

"Okay fine, it's a guy! God." "His name is God?" Asked Matt, confused. "No, you idiot. He was expressing his annoyance," Edd chided, "So, Tom. What is his name?"

"Uh......."  _what do i tell them umumumum "_ I... don't know?" "Are you serious right now?" Responded Edd, "You slept with him and you don't know his name? Did you just meet last night?" "Uh... yeah..." Replied Tom. "Well do you at least have his number?" Pushed Edd. "Yeah, I have his number. So?" Asked Tom a little defensively. "I want to talk to him. Or hear you talk to him. I have never seen you get with anyone, I want to witness this," Edd smiled.

"What? No! No way. Hell. No."

 

As Edd and Tom argued, Matt snuck into Tom's room. Even if it went to voicemail, he'd still hear what this guy sounded like.

6969\. Really?

Contacts. wOW NICE NAMES, THANKS.

"Hot Damn." That seems like the only one that could be... that sort of thing. 

 

The phone was dialling, and Matt put it on speaker.

 

***

 

"No- wait. Edd, where's Matt?" "I don't know, does it matter? Listen-" "Shit." "What?" "I can hear my phone dialling."

Tom ran to his room, Edd hot on his heels yelling, "Go Matt! Yes!"

Tom grabbed the phone, his finger so close to pressing the red button [ay]. 

 

 

"Hello? Tom? What's up?"

Mat and Edd looked at eachother in panic while Tom dropped the phone. 

"Bye world," mumbled Tom. "What? Okay...?" Tord's voice echoed out of the phone's speaker. 

"Tord?" Came Edd's voice. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" That one was Tord.

"Uh...." That was Matt.

 

***

 

"So yeah. That- that was what happened." Tord sat on the living room floor, exhausted. "Okay, but why didn't you tell us this in the beginning?" Accused Edd. "It'd just put us in more danger, right?" Said Matt, surprisingly knowledgeably. "Yeah," replied Tord.

Tom was drinking.

"So, we done here?" He asked impatiently, "I need to talk to Tord for a bit."

Matt and Edd nodded and left the apartment. "See you guys later!"

 

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise that this would happen, I just- oh my god I'm really sorry, I know you didn't want them to know..." "Hey, wow. It's okay, man. I don't mind, it's fine. I'm fine. You're fine."

"Are _we_ fine?"

"Of course."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha wow that was really kinda cheesy


	13. does anyone even pay attention to the title

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> collectively screams *oh shit*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay don't get mad at me but i really hope you enjoy this chapter  
> i mask my emotions in sarcasm and dirty jokes but i rly appreciate everything you say in the comments and i love everyone on this website  
> :D have a good day!

**hey**

**ay**

**i got your stuff back**

**OH MY GOD REALLY**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH**

**all g**

**also...**

**i just kind of agreed to be the best man at paul and patryk's wedding?**

**THEY'RE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED???**

**CAN WE HAVE THEM OVER FOR DINNER**

**haha yes**

**okay cool!**

 

**tord?**

**lol i guess you're gone**

**i'm coming home**

**don't open the door unless you're absolutely sure it's me**

**ok?**

**uh... ok? is everything alright?**

**not really**

**i'll be there asap**

 

What was going on? Tom was feeling a little scared. It had been a few months since Tord reappeared in his life and the life of his friends. Tom had told Tamara he was seeing someone, and she'd come over. As soon as she saw Tord, she put two and two together and they'd hugged for a long time. She always was really smart.

Ell and Matilda visited too, and it felt so good to all be in contact again. Ell had even talked about moving closer to the city, Edd had really perked up at that. Tord had been working through the city, slowly gaining more and more power through the corporations and other powerful organisations. Tom didn't necessarily believe in his ideology, but he wasn't going to stop him. He didn't really give two shits about politics anyway.

But through all that, rain or shine, Tord had never put any of them in the slightest danger. Everyone knew that certain aspects of what he did were incredibly dangerous, but he'd never put any of them at risk.

So what was happening now?

A knock on the door. "Who is it?" Tom asked, his voice coming out strained. "It's me, it's actually me. Open the door." Tord. It was his accent, right? But the voice sounded slightly different, it didn't sound right...

"Step away from the door."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"This has nothing to do with him, you need to leave. I've told you where to find everything you need. All my debts to you are paid. Get out."

"Debts? Ha! Du vil alltid gi etter for meg, broren min."

 

***

 

"Who the fuck was that?" Tom demanded, "Why did they sound like you, what debts were you talking about? What did they say? Tord, are we in danger? Tord!"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I can't tell you everything, okay? I'm sorry." Tord was shaking.

"Are- are you alright?" 

"I'll be fine, I just- I can't believe she'd do this..."

"She? That's the person who attacked me, right?" Tom asked. "Yeah," Tord replied, still shaking a little, "Just... can we just go to bed, or do something else? I don't want to think about this..."

"Okay."

 

***

 

Watching the TV with Matt, Edd and Tord, everything felt fine. Tom kept stealing looks at him, just to check that he was alright. He still didn't know what had happened, he was still confused... but Tord didn't want to talk about it, and Tom wasn't going to force him. 

"Gimme the remote," smiled Tom. Tord growled, "No! I want to watch this!" Tom laughed at him before Tord realised what he'd said. "Wow, very funny. Really?" Matt and Edd looked at each other confusedly. 

"Nevermind," laughed Tom, "But seriously, this is shit. Can we just see what's on the news for a sec?" "Fine," said Tord begrudgingly, flicking to a news channel.

"But will it be enough to convince them? Breaking news: a woman has shot three people in the Turqua Major building. This is believed to be a targeted shooting. The woman in question has been hard to identify, and police are asking the public to come forward if anyone knows anything about her. She has not yet been apprehended, so please be safe on the streets today. Warning: this video contains graphic images of the shooting."

The video on the TV was grainy and hard to see, but there was no mistaking it. "That's her! That's the woman, isn't it?!" Tom turned to Tord, "She shot people! She- wait. What the fuck...?"

Tom turned back to the TV. "What?!"

Edd and Matt's faces were completely white. Matt's phone was ringing, but he wasn't paying any attention to it.

Tord was looking at the ground. "You might want to answer that, Matt," he mumbled. Matt slowly looked at his phone.

"It's- it's Matilda..." he said in a shaky voice. 

"Answer it," Tom and Tord both prompted. Edd stayed silent, but gave Matt a nod. "And put it on speaker," Tom added.

 

"Hello?"

"Matt? Are- have you seen the news recently?" 

"We- we just saw it."

"It's her, Matt. It has to be."

"It's also the person who robbed me in the park," Tom added in.

"There's no way..." That was Tamara's voice in the background.

"How is she alive?" Tom looked at Tord accusingly.

 

***

 

"I didn't know she was alive until maybe... six months ago? I couldn't tell you, I mean, first of all, what would I even say?" Tord whispered. "Uh, maybe: 'Tori's alive and she faked her own death and she'd _kind of insane_???!'" Edd cried.

"I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I didn't speak to Tom until about 2 months after that, and the longer I held it in the easier it was to just forget about it. But she kept contacting me, she kept asking me for weapons and connections and stuff. I didn't know what she was doing with it all. I tried asking her a couple of times, but she never gave me a straight answer, so eventually I went and found out for myself. I was scared, really scared of what she was doing. I'm taking over a city and I'm scared of what my own twin is doing! Ha. But how do you say no to your family? I confronted her about it, and she asked me what I was going to do. And I didn't know the answer. I still don't."

Tord's eyes were spilling tears uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking. "I don't know what to do..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like,,,, this isn't the last chapter,,,, i might write one tomorrow? idk  
> but this is where i'm ending it for tonight.  
> see ya


	14. why now are you pulling on my dick?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm just gonna name the chapters whatever i want  
> also, there's a lot of figuring things out in this chapter, which is basically what I'm doing as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession time, here's what i got: i have no idea how i'm gonna finish the plot
> 
> no but really, i'm just going to sit and write and see what happens

“What does she want?” Tom started. Tord, Edd, Matt, Tamara, Matilda and Ell stared back at him. Their eyes were empty, almost like Tom’s own.

“Let me answer that in the most honest and open way I can,” Tord responded, “The answer is: I have no _fucking_ clue.”  Ell rounded on him angrily, “Well that’s fucking brilliant Tord, I’m glad you could answer that question so honestly!”

“Jesus Christ, Ell! I’m just trying to make light of-“ “Of what? A bad situation? We surpassed ‘bad’ a long time ago, Tord! She tried to shoot your boyfriend, for fuck’s sake!”

Matilda looked around nervously, “Guys, keep it down!”

Although the restaurant wasn’t exactly crowded, it did have a few customers in the corners, and Ell's outburst had drawn them some curious looks.

"Sorry 'Tilda. Yeah, okay..." Ell took a deep breath, "Would she have shot Tom?" She looked Tord in the eye.

 

"I don't know," he replied, "But I think it could have been a possibility," Tord took Tom's hand and squeezed it.

"So... what do we do now?" Asked Tamara hesitantly.

 

"I realise that there'll be some opposition to this, but I think we should go after her," Tom said quickly. "Wait, what?" Asked Ell, shocked, "No way! Shouldn't we call the police?"

Tord stared at Tom in surprise, fear and... awe?

 

"You can't do that, Tom," Edd said tiredly, "You-" "I," Tom said a little angrily, "Can do what I want. And we need to find Tori before she causes any more harm, okay? We can't go to the police, because they can't, or won't, do anything. It's up to us, and you know it." 

"He's right," Matt spoke up, surprising everyone. "Wha-" began Matilda. "Listen," Matt pressed on, "The only way to get things done right, is to do it ourselves. That's the quote, right?" "Something like that," Tom nodded. "So, we have to get her before she gets anyone else. I'm in." Matt smiled at Tom.

Tamara glanced at Tom from the other side of the table. "So am I. You're my twin, I can't just let you go head-to-head against a psycho Norwegian."

"Trust me, we've already gone head to head," Tord winked. "Dude! Gross!" Everyone at the table cringed.

"So. Edd, Ell, 'Tilda? You want to do this?" Tom asked, "You don't have to." "Like hell I'm letting my best friend do this alone," mumbled Edd, "Fine. I'm in." "Same," added Ell and Matilda simultaneously.

 

Tom looked at Tord. "I know you don't want to hunt down your sister, but you know her best. I- I don't think we can do this without you. We might need some backup as well, as in Paul and Patryk." 

Tord kept staring.

 

"Yo? Dude?" "Oh, right, yeah. I'll get them on the line. Let go hunt down my supposed-to-be-dead bitch of a sister!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that happened. uh,,, sorry for the real short filler chapter but i swear i'll write some more soon! at least this gave me more direction for the story! see ya on the flip side, frens


	15. planning is a lil bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> makin plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heavenly father forgive my sins

"So, you met with her. And she asked for more weapons. And you said no," Tom nodded, "I got that. What happened next?" "She told me if I didn't, she'd shoot you. And everyone else," Tord whispered, tracing spirals on Tom's palm. "Okay. Empty threat?" Tom asked nervously. "My sister doesn't make empty threats," Tord stated.

"Right."

"She told me to meet her at this restaurant place, and to give her the weapons she asked for. If I didn't hand them over to her, my friends would be dead within a week," Tord's tracing was slowing. "Okay... so what's the plan?" Tom asked, looking at Tord with a scared expression. Tord glanced up at him with a smile, "That's the fun part."

***

"You want to  _what????_ " Screamed Edd, "Are you kidding me?"

"Well, it makes sense to me," said Matt blankly. "Everything fucking makes sense to you Matt, jesus! Think of all the things that could go wrong!" 

"Edd, calm down. Edd. Edd!" Tom commanded, "It's simple. We surround the restaurant with snipers and shoot her. No one has to touch the body so no one will know it was us. It looks like it'll be a cold day, so if we wear gloves she shouldn't notice anything."

"Tom, so many things could go wrong! What if she surrounds the place? What if she puts guns to all _your_ soldiers heads," Edd cried, rounding on Tord (who backed away a little), "And forces them to shoot you? Huh?"

"No, Edd, that doesn't make sense. My sister has been asking me for weapons, just enough for herself. She's a freelancer and she doesn't work well with other people, okay? Everything will be fine," Tord frantically tried to convince Edd. "Really? Will it? What are we going to do with the body? Are there going to be people in the restaurant? What if someone else gets hurt? What if the police arrive?" 

"We'll leave the body there, and there'll be no leads to trace it back to us. There won't be anyone in the restaurant, I know that already. She wouldn't risk it. Anyway, it's a Sunday, the place isn't open. No one will get hurt, and no one will call the police. If someone gets shot who isn't my sister, everyone at the Red Army base knows medical procedures for bullet wounds. There are trained professionals." 

"I still don't think it's a good plan."

***

"Are you  _kidding_   _me?_ " Cried Ell. "That's what I said," murmured Edd, earning himself an elbow in the ribs from Matt. "You're insane, but I'm with you," said Tamara blankly. "Tam, what the fuck?" Ell said, looking betrayed. 

"Sorry dude, can't let my twin just go off into battle without me," she shrugged. Ell rolled her eyes and turned to Edd. "How the hell did they convince you to do this?" "Ell, it might actually work. Just hear them out."

"No. I'll stand guard at the car or whatever, but I'm not going 'into battle'. You're all fucking crazy," Ell stated.

"I'll come," hesitated Matilda, "As long as it doesn't ruin my hair." "You can man a sniper if you want? It shouldn't have too much of an impact on your lovely locks," Tord offered. "Really? Oh, yes! Thanks!" 

As the group dissipated to discuss their respective roles in the plan, Tamara approached Tord. She turned her gaze on Matilda, her girlfriend. "She can't shoot for shit, you know," Tamara commented. "I know," responded Tord with a smile. Tamara glanced up at him. "Thanks, dude," she smiled back, "She'll have fun, I hope. She will be safe, right?"

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might? be? the second last chapter? aaaaaaaaAAAAAAA


	16. the steakout I'M NOT EVEN SORRY OKAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this might be the last chapter!!! it's been great writing for y'all, and although i'm sad to see the eddsworld fandom dying, i'd like to think of this as a sendoff.  
> there might be an epilogue though, so stick around! you never know what'll happen (especially with me tbh)

The road was through the forest, with trees on either side. They were also heading upwards. Tom knew that the location would be a hill, looking down into the valley where the restaurant was.

"Wait, so this restaurant... is a steakhouse," said Edd, looking towards his twin. "And you're surrounding it," smirked Ell, "I guess you could say it's..." "A STEAKOUT!" They both cried in unison, high-fiving eachother over the seats. A groan came from the rest of the people in the car.

Ell and Matt sat in the very back, Edd and Tamara in front of that, Tom in the passenger seat navigating and Matilda driving. "Why do you even have a 7-seater?" Asked Tom curiously. "I have more money than I know what to do with, to be honest," Matilda said, eyes still on the road. "What? Why?" Tom frowned. "Being a model pays pretty well, I guess. Plus, acting is alright too." "You're a model?" "She's been a model for six years, dipshit," stated Tamara. "Wow, it's been a long time since we talked," laughed Tom.

"We're almost there, guys," said Matt. "Dude! I'm the navigator!" Called Tom. "I was just checking Google Maps!" "Whatever. We _are_ nearly there. Oh, shit!"

There were three black military trucks up ahead, along with a man holding a sniper over his shoulder.

"Get out of the vehicle with your hands behind your head," joked Patryk. "Piss off," laughed Tom, "Where do we go?" "Hang on a sec," said Pat, turning towards the trucks. "Clear a path!" He yelled. The trucks moved to the sides of the road and Matilda drove through the gap. 

***

"Okay, we've got men everywhere. Snipers on either side of the valley, everything set up."

Tom did a quick headcount. Matilda - manning a sniper with Paul. Edd - gazing through the trees using binoculars. Matt - leaning against a van with Patryk, talking about whatever gay guys talk about (Tom was one to talk).

Tamara - drinking. Tom sighed. Ell - chilling in the car.

Tord.

In a van 'full of weapons'. (Not really). 

Driving toward his insane twin.

Jesus.

***

Tord carefully drove up to the steakhouse. His earpiece crackled for a second before a familiar voice echoed through it. "You alright?"

"Tom," Tord exhaled in relief, "It's good to hear your voice again. And yes, I'm fine. Although..." Tord looked around.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"It's probably nothing."

"But?"

"But... doesn't it seem a little easy to you?"

"How do you mean?" Tom asked. Tamara heard the concern in his tone. "Is there something wrong?"

"I mean... couldn't she have chosen a place that's not so... vulnerable? She knows I have a fucking army, she's not stupid," Tord continued.

"We can pull you out at any time, sir," That was Paul.

There was a pause. 

"She's set us up," whispered Tord, "The bitch has set us up, I know she has, I can feel it. Jeg skal drepe tispa!"

"What?" asked Tom blankly.

"Get OUT! Get out of there! Run, bef-" Tord's intercom cut off.

"Tord? Tord?" Tom yelled. 

A new voice cut through the confusion. "Hello, brother. Hello, brother's army. I do not have you surrounded, because I am smart enough to work on my own. I _do_ have a gun, and it is pointed at your lover's head." There was a click. Tom felt his heart stop.

"I think you are not stupid enough to have actually filled that van with weapons. So, I will take every sniper you have, or I will shoot this blue hoodie boy. Do you understand?"

Silence.

"I said,  _do you understand?"_ "Yes! Yes, I understand!" Tord's voice emerged. 

"Good. Now-"

"Not so fast."

***

Ell's hand was shaking as Tori turned around. "Ell?" She asked, shocked. "Yeah. It's me, Tori. And that person who you're pointing a gun at? That's Tom," Ell uttered. Tori looked down at Tom, whose hands were up. His whole body was shuddering.

"How can you not recognise him, Tori?" Ell asked, desperate.

Tori shook her head as if trying to clear her brain. "No. No! You don't understand, Ell. I can rule the world. My brother and I, we could rule it together!" Tori narrowed her eyes. "You know, Ell, I've always liked you. You could be my queen..." 

"Tori, you have to stop!" Tom shouted. Tori's eyes flashed with anger as she hit him across the head with her gun. Blood stained the grass as Tom fell. He was out cold.

"You and I, Ell. Picture it. Please. Think about this..." Tori smiled manically, "The queens of the world!"

Ell's eyes were full of pain. "You're crazy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the trigger.

***

It seemed fitting that Tori's final costume would be red, red everywhere. Tom had been taken back to the base to be checked out, and Tord had gone with him. Ell was sitting with Matilda and Tamara in one of the military van while Patryk brought them all tea. Edd and Matt were sitting in the car in silence as Paul barked orders into a radio outside: "Clean anything that might have prints!" Do _not_ touch the body!" 

 

Some days later, a restaurant owner would spot a body atop a hill. The police would investigate and find no leads - Tori had destroyed all records she had ever existed. They would frantically cover it up, and the press would show it as 'revenge' or 'a well-timed killing' or something else of that ilk. 

Little did the world know that the truth lay in the victim's other half, all his friends, his army, and his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! YOU! YEAH, YOU!  
> thanks for reading this. i hope you enjoyed it!  
> there may or may not be an epilogue that i'm working on *shifty eyes*, so come back later! who knows, maybe i'll finally have my shit together and it will be posted  
> ...  
> yeah, you're right. probably not.  
> but really, thanks. see you at the revelation my friend~

**Author's Note:**

> *ollie outie*


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